That JORVIK Viking Thing Podcast

Silly History Boys Crossover Special

February 20, 2021 Silly History Boys
That JORVIK Viking Thing Podcast
Silly History Boys Crossover Special
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Come, gather ye friends round your flickering campfires and listen to talks of daring, horror, and high adventures from the worn pages of history with... The Silly History Boys!

Listen as they tell the tales of three amazing Viking cruises (no, not that one) with all the drama, tension, and silliness you've come to expect from their live shows as TingTang Theatre as well as their Silly History Boys Show podcast!

Don't forget to head on over to their show to subscribe and listen to more of their silliness!

Listen and enjoy, and please consider leaving us a 5 star review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you listen!

00.00

Uncle Bilbo: Come gather ye friends around your flickering campfire and listen to tales of daring, horror and high adventure from the worn pages of history. Set aside your burning need to take a spin on the Jorvik Viking Centre’s ride and instead be made to wait in line by us, your storytellers. Hello listener, we silly boys would like to thank Jorvik for hosting our silliness upon their site. And we will endeavour to reproduce the top-quality work that keeps Jorvik knocking at our door year after a year. I mean, we close the curtains and lay down on the floor, but they always know we're in. What you're about to hear is a collection of tales that have blossomed from the seeds of our live shows from Viking festivals past. As the whole world pivots during the pandemic, so have the Silly History Boys. We wanted to keep being creative, educational, and of course silly - if nothing else, to keep us sane through these strange times. So if you like the Silly History Boys Show, you can find us on various podcast platforms: Apple, Podbean, Spotify, Google, Amazon, other ones that can count on one hand. Do come say hello on Facebook at Silly History Boys. Or why not scribe us an electronic message in a bottle and lob it over the side to sillyhistoryboys@gmail.com we have plenty more rip-roaring shows exploring history myth legend and the occasional chicken noise for you to feast upon. Until then, sit back and enjoy “Viking Cruises.” No, not that one.

 

01.42

[Silly History Boys intro music]

02:0

Uncle BobBob:  Come gather ye friends round your flickering camp fires and listen! To tales of daring, horror and high adventure from the worn pages of history! Set ye down your iPad and hair straighteners and lift a horn of mead instead to your storytellers who shall now reveal themselves to you!  

Uncle Bilbo:  We’re getting naked? 

Tombo: You said ‘let’s do a podcast about history with jokes and sword fights’ you said nothing about getting naked! 

Pear Bear:  I’m game. I’m naked right now.

Uncle BobBob:  I was doing us a big opening! 

ALL:  Improvised hilarity. Appalled at the idea of the opening. 

Uncle BobBob:  Stop that! I was meant an ‘epic opening’ to say that this show will be about the great tales of history!  

Pear Bear:  And we were misunderstanding you. 

Uncle BobBob: That’s a bit silly! 

Uncle Bilbo:    Exactly. 

Pear Bear: For this is: 

Tombo:  The Silly History boys show!

Uncle BobBob:  What manner of show is the ‘Silly History Boys Show? 

03.00

Pear Bear: Tis a show a that tells the stories of the past! 

Uncle Bilbo: With a smile! 

Tombo:  A wink! 

Uncle BobBob: And…a bit of silliness?! 

Pear Bear:       Yes! 

Uncle BobBob:  Well that sounds great! For you see listener in a time now long past we silly boys here would tour the great historic places of the United Kingdom performing silly shows about the past to the delight of all… 

Tombo: Of some… 

Uncle BobBob: …of some 

Uncle Bilbo:  Then we had to stop. 

Pear Bear: But now nothing can stop us! For all our silly adventures old and new shall now be here on the internets! 

Uncle BobBob: To keep everyone with a love for history and  a sense of humour entertained! Because these days, there’s a lot of real history going on  and you really need a sense of humour sometimes.

Pear Bear: So now you know who we ‘were’ we must tell you who we ‘are’! 

Uncle BobBob:  I am your dear Uncle Bob Bob…history fudger, fact baiter and yarn ripper! 

04.00

Uncle Bilbo:    I am the charming, erudite Uncle Bilbo. All the Mums like me….but I have a dark side…for I am from Yorkshire! 

SFX Horror Chords Distant Scream 

Pear Bear: Greetings travellers I am the enigmatic arm chair history waffler, dad joke birther and the toffee hammer wielding amateur neuroscientist known only as the ‘Pear Bear’  

Tombo: And I am Tombo… coming at you live… from my shed; the shed I use to hide from my infant son, a son born during the first lockdown…me and Mrs Tombo had finished all the jigsaws so… 

Uncle BobBob: Together we four are… 

Pear Bear: The Silly History Boys! 

Uncle Bilbo:  Right! Lets’s get silly! 

Uncle BobBob:  Our first tale comes from the far frozen north. 

Uncle Bilbo:  From a people famed through history as great warriors. 

Pear Bear: As great storytellers. 

Tombo: And great travellers. 

Uncle BobBob: The Vikings! 

Pear Bear:  More accurately the people’s of Scandinavia from the 7th to the 10th century or Norsemen! 

05.03

Uncle BobBob:  Thank you Pear Bear you know how I love to be corrected. 

Pear Bear:  You’re welcome Uncle Bob Bob. The word ‘Viking’ some have said is the verb ‘to raid’ or to go Viking! A Viking is also said to describe is a Norse person who leaves their home for profit and adventure! 

Uncle Bilbo:  When we think of the Vikings… 

Pear Bear:  Norse! 

Uncle Bilbo: Alright…When we think of the Norse we think of… 

Tombo: Horney helmets! 

Uncle BobBob:  Dragonboats! 

Pear Bear: Pillage! 

Uncle Bilbo:  But what gets forgotten is that the ‘Norse Vikings’ were some of history’s greatest travellers. 

Pear Bear:  From the very ‘Northern most bit’ of Europe the Norse sailors travelled thousands of miles without compasses, without outboard motors and without duty free! 

Uncle BobBob: Oh travel!  

Tombo: I do like to get away once a year…Me and Mrs Tombo like to hire one of those house boats…just for a quiet get away…on Ayia Napa! 

SFX: Pumping Euro Rave. 

06.00

Uncle Bilbo: But you had a kid Tombo. 

SFX Pumping Euro rave slows and stops 

Tombo: Oh yeah. What have I done… 

Pear Bear: If it’s a boat trip you fancy Tombo then there’s no travel agent better than a 7th century Viking travel agent. Grab your tooth brushes and suspend your disbelief! 

SFX: Soft office jazz music

Uncle BobBob (as Dreary Travel agent): Hello welcome to ‘Viking Cruises, no not that one’, the one in the 7th century. 'Viking Cruises no not that one’ delivers the most exotic locations in all the dark ages. 

Pear Bear: Four tickets please! 

Dreary Travel Agent: Where are you going? 

Tombo:  Ayia Napa please, i’ll bring the pram. They let prams into super clubs don’t they? 

Uncle Bilbo:  No harm in asking. 

Dreary Travel Agent: We have four exciting destinations. North, South, East or West. 

Pear Bear: That seems more like kind of just…directions… 

07.00

Dreary Travel Agent: With Viking Cruises ‘no not that one’, all destinations are subject to hardship, terror, death and uncertainty. 

Tombo:  Like Thomas Cook? 

Dreary Travel Agent: Would you like to speak to a rep? 

Uncle Bilbo (as Lief Erikson): Did someone say rep?! 

Dreary Travel Agent: I did. 

Lief Erikson: Then play the music! 

SFX Lief Errikson’s outlandish entrance music 

Pear Bear: Wow look at this guy! 

Tombo: They’d let this guy dance on the podium at Black N White! 

Uncle BobBob (as himself): Arms like anchor cables, chest like a fridge hair like spun gold! 

Lief Erikson: Yes tis I, ‘the big man’, the greatest Viking voyager of all time Lief Erikson! 

Uncle BobBob: Who? 

Lief Erikson: What do you mean who?! I’m Lief Erikson! 

Pear Bear:  Did you invent the mobile phone? 

Lief Erikson:  I’m the greatest Viking explorer of all time! No one has sailed further west than me. 

Uncle BobBob: Apart from Columbus. 

Lief Erikson: I don’t know who that is. 

Uncle BobBob: He discovered America. 

Lief Erikson:  I don’t know what that is. 

Uncle BobBob: Basically, Mr Erikson, Columbus is the greatest explorer of all time, he was the first European to discover the great western continents what we now call the Americas. 

08.04

Lief Erikson:  Right. Get in the boat! 

Pear Bear: But we were doing this whole Viking travel agent bit…. 

SFX: Sword is drawn. 

Lief Erikson: I said get in the boat. 

ALL:  Ok Mr Erikson please don’t hurt us Improvised hilarity. 

Lief Erikson: I am the greatest voyaging Viking of all time! Now row! 

ALL: Improvised hilarity; the SHB’s are bad at rowing! 

SFX: Sea noises throughout. 

Pear Bear: Pear Bear’s log, location unknown, course unknown, condition frightened. It has been some weeks since Uncle Bob Bob offended a seven foot Viking holiday rep. 

Lief Erikson:  Distant Row you daisies! 

ALL: Distant Terrified yelps. 

Pear Bear: And threw us into a terrifying voyage across the dark age Atlantic ocean.  

Uncle BobBob: I only said Columbus… 

09.00

Lief Erikson: Who’s Columbo?! Never mind Row!!!!  

Pear Bear: Our Captain slash kidnapper Leif Erikson, is determined to prove to us that he in fact discovered the Americas long before Columbus did by…recreating his thousand mile voyage…with us poor Silly History boys in tow. And by tow, I mean ‘row’ – so much rowing!!

Uncle BobBob:  Urgh Mr Eriksen. How long is this journey? 

Lief Erikson: Hard to say my squishy friend I think it was three weeks…but…last time was a bit hectic… 

Pear Bear: Hectic? Mr Eriksen how did you actually find the place we know as north America? 

Lief Erikson: Well to be an explorer you’ve got to be flexible. 

Uncle BobBob: Yoga? 

Lief Erikson:  I don’t know what that is. I mean don’t lumber yourself with an itinerary, I was sailing to Greenland  and I ended up…  

Pear Bear: Did you get lost? 

Lief Erikson: No!….well….yeah.  

10.00

Tombo: So you don’t know how to get there?! 

Lief Erikson:  Of course I know how to get there! I just don’t know the way.. 

ALL:  That’s the same thing! 

Lief Erikson:  Not it isn’t! There are are myriad of ways to navigate. First you check for land marks you know! 

Pear Bear: In the middle of the ocean? 

Lief Erikson:  Well normally I’d keep land well in sight to tell where I was. 

Tombo: But we’re in the middle of the ocean! 

Lief Erikson:  Well its a good job the suns going down isn’t it! 

Uncle BobBob: Is it!? 

Lief Erikson:  Yes! All Viking voyagers can tell their position by where the sun rises and sets. And….there you are down it does right on time… 

Pear Bear:  So where are we? 

Lief Erikson:    Dunno. 

Tombo:  Great! 

Lief Erikson:  Hang on! The stars will be out in a bit, you can always find the direction you need to go by the position of the stars.  

Uncle BobBob: Bit cloudy innit. 

Lief Erikson: Yeah…a bit…but that doesn’t matter because we can judge our position by the behaviour of animals we encounter….we Vikings call the high seas the whale way… 

11.07

Pear Bear: Oh whales! I can see Whales! 

Uncle BobBob:  Lovely a slap up tea on ‘chippy lane' and then its off to Cardiff’s premier night spot Tiger Tiger! 

SFX: Whale song and blow hole spout. 

Lief Erikson:  There you are sighting a whale tells us we’re in the middle of the ocean… 

Pear Bear: We know that! 

Lief Erikson:  Right yes. We can also keep an eye out for sea gulls, which of course only fly close to land.  

Tombo: I haven’t seen a shag in months…or any sea birds for that matter.  

Uncle BobBob: None of this seems to be helping much Mr Erikson. 

Lief Erikson:  Yeah well, we’ll probably just wait for what happened last time… 

SFX: Distant thunder. 

Pear Bear: What was that? 

SFX: Closer thunder and the wind starts to get up. 

Lief Erikson:  Basically, a massive storm blew us there by accident… 

12.00

ALL: What?! 

Lief Erikson: Hold onto something! 

ALL: ARRRRGH! 

SFX: Enormous storm and terrified yelps. Fades to calm and quiet. Sea birds start to be heard. 

ALL: Improvised hilarity. Groans, grunts, basically hungover acting! Where are we? 

Lief Erikson: Wait what’s that on the horizon?! 

Tombo:  Mountains! 

Uncle BobBob: Pine forest! 

Pear Bear:  But no tea and coffee making facilities! 

Tombo:  It’s north America! 

Lief Erikson:  Row for it lads! I told you we’d make it! 

 Uncle BobBob: We’ll be chewing Poutine and watching ice hockey in no time! 

13.03

SFX: Bang of boat hitting the shore. 

Lief Erikson:  And here we are…I don’t know anything  about this ‘Poutine’…. 

Pear Bear: Careful. 

Lief Erikson: Of which you speak…in fact my main memory of this ‘Newfound land’ was this… 

Uncle BobBob: Grapes! 

Tombo:  Beach grapes! 

Lief Erikson: Yes the new country we found was rich in grapes and vines so that is why I named the place Vinland. Now lads you know what grapes make? 

Uncle BobBob: Vimpto!  

Lief Erikson:  I mean of course wine! 

Tombo: It’s wine O clock girls! 

Pear Bear: You got any Viking Vino Leif? 

Lief Erikson:  Oh shall we be naughty and break out a bottle? 

ALL:  Yes please! 

Lief Erikson: Oh, go on then, we’ll be awful! Wine is an incredibly sought after drink of status amongst the norse peoples but we have made a deadly voyage to a dangerous and hostile land…so we deserve it. 

14.00

Uncle BobBob:  Did you say hostile? 

Lief Erikson:  Yeah, the people who live here are incredibly hostile. 

Pear Bear: Oh. 

Lief Erikson: Yes the Skrælingi or Native Americans as one should say. 

Tombo: Oh. 

Lief Erikson: Yeah the Skrælingi hate us…started out all ‘Oooooo’ and ‘ahhh’ friends forever and trade but finished up with arrows and screaming. 

Uncle BobBob: Oh. 

Pear Bear: Is that them then? 

Lief Erikson: Who? 

Uncle BobBob: Those sinister looking people watching us. 

Tombo:  And drawing bows?! 

Lief Erikson: Sigh. Not again. 

SFX Terrifying SHB Arrow storm.  

Improvised hilarity. Arrgh! My Vino! Ouch! Help! Worst holiday ever! 

Lief Erikson:  This is kind of why I left actually! 

The scene fades under a terrifying arrow storm. 

Uncle BobBob (again as DrearyTravel Agent): Oh back so soon did you have a nice time? 

15.02

Tombo: If you count three weeks in an open boat in the middle of the freezing Atlantic, with storms and sea sickness! Plus shot by arrows before we finished our wine! If you count that as a good time then yes, yes we had lovely time! 

Uncle Bilbo (again as himself):  It wasn’t exactly super restful…what else have you got Viking travel agent? 

Dreary Travel Agent: So you’ve been West? 

ALL: Yes. 

Dreary Travel Agent: And you didn’t like it? 

ALL: No. 

Dreary Travel Agent: Well logically the opposite of West is East. 

ALL: Improvised hilarity: Obviously, of course, makes sense. 

Tombo:  Who’s the rep for the East? 

Dreary Travel Agent: I’m so glad you asked. 

Pear Bear (as Harald Hardrada)Distant. Honey I’m home! 

SFX: Axe impact. Crashing furniture.  

Harald Hardrada: Sorry about that couldn’t find the door so took a short cut! 

Tombo:  Wow you seem exciting, axe wilding gentleman! 

Harald Hardrada:  You don’t know ‘the haft’ of it mate! I’m Harald Sigurdson, though you will know me better as Harald Hardrada. I was King of Norway, and an notorious adventurer and this is my wife ‘Siggy’ isn’t she lovely? 

16.10

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): She’s an axe? 

Harald Hardrada:  Correction: she’s my favourite axe! We go everywhere together, look at her such sleek lines, there’s a tale in every knock and dent…that’s a Turk’s head, that’s from a Greek chap’s shin…you’re the best Siggy…mwah, mwah, mwah! 

Uncle BobBob: He’s gonna get splinters… 

Tombo: Erm You been out East much Harry and um Siggy? 

Harald Hardrada:  Oh the East only place to travel! Nice weather, fabulous wealth to be had and some lovely fighting! I made a fortune ‘out yonder’ and then came back and spent the money on making myself King! 

ALL: Wow! 

Harald Hardrada: I was King of England and Denmark! 

ALL: Wow! 

Harald Hardrada: Nearly. 

Uncle Bilbo: Nearly King? That’s not exactly impressive… 

17.01

Harald Hardrada: What are you King of, then? 

Uncle Bilbo: Erm, the hearts of dozens of Mums? So, you know, King of Mumsnet?

Tombo: So are there any super clubs out East in the 9th century? 

Harald Hardrada:  I think the best way to explain a trip out east is to tell you my entire life story! 

Tombo: Oh god…  

Harald Hardrada: My tale gets going in 1030. 

Uncle BobBob: 10:30? Early start. 

Harald Hardrada:  My brother Olaf was King of Norway, at least until he wasn’t, because that foul dog Cnut the Greater took the throne from him. At the age of 15, I joined Olaf in battle against Cnut, attempting to take my brother’s throne back… 

Tombo (as Olaf): Harald! 

Harald Hardrada: Brother! 

Olaf: What say we get my throne back from that utter Cnut who’s stolen it? 

Harald Hardrada: Let’s do it! Oi Cnut! 

Uncle Bilbo (as Cnut): Yeee-eess? 

Harald Hardrada: Give my brother his throne back! 

Cnut: Absolutely not. 

18.01

Olaf: Aw go on! 

Harald Hardrada: Please! 

Cnut: Nope. I’m using it… to warm my bum-bum! 

Harald Hardrada: Then prepare to die!! 

There is a fight. Harald and Olaf lose. 

Uncle Bilbo: Well that didn’t go to plan at all… 

Harald Hardrada: No….defeated but still young dumb, and full of enthusiasm! I was forced into exile, and journeyed east with my super friends. About five hundred heavily armed friends in fact and we made friends with the Kievan Rus. That’s your old timey Ukrainian Russians to you. We joined the army of Grand Prince Yaroslav the Wise..  

19.05

Uncle BobBob (as Yaroslav): Hello! 

Harald Hardrada: A man who would not only promote me to a Captain in his army, but would also become my life long chum! 

Yaroslav: Hi ‘Harry Had’ me old chum buddy pal amigo mate!  Come and join me in my palace! I have got the entire box set of FRIENDS on VHS? Fancy a marathon sesh?! My favourite episode is the first one post the Marriage of Courtney Cox and David Arequette where the entire cast and production staff list names as normal BUT then followed the hilarious ‘Moniker’ (if you’ll pardon the pun) Cox Arequette! I love it so much i’ve had the image of the credits made into matching pyjamas and we can wear long into the afternoon! 

Harald Hardrada: Naaaah.  

Yaroslav: Ok maybe next time….I eat crayons. 

Harald Hardrada:  Yaroslav ‘the wise’ there…Anyway….In 1034, I moved to Miklegard ‘the great city’, also known as Constantinople (or Istanbul to you silly boys). Where I joined the Byzantine Emperor’s elite Varangian guard and before it was 1035 I was made commander of the guard! 

20.15

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): That was quick! 

Harald Hardrada: I know! But then I was really brilliant. 

Tombo (as himself again): I think my sister had a ‘Varangian guard’ when she played cricket, is it the same? 

Harald Hardrada: No. We guarded the Emperor with our lives, we were the elite of the elite; the best bodyguards money could buy. 

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): ...and what happened to the Emperor? 

Harald Hardrada: Romanos III? 

Uncle BobBob (as Romanos III): Hello everybody, I am Holy Roman Emperor Romanos III. 

Harald Hardrada: He died…  

Romanos III:dying sounds

Harald Hardrada: But it was okay because the new Emperor, Michael IV, retained my services and gave me a huge amount of treasure to boot! 

Uncle BobBob (as Michael IV): Hello everybody! My name is Holy Roman Emperor Michael IV! Harald, I would like to retain your services, and give you this huge amount of treasure, to boot! 

SFX: Clatter of treasure. 

21.10

Harald Hardrada: Wow! Thanks! 

Tombo: And what happened to Emperor Michael IV? 

Harald Hardrada: He died…  

Michael IV: dying sounds 

Harald Hardrada: But not before sending me all around the world! I went all over ‘the east’ sampling local culture with my axe! I went the Mediterranean Sea,  

Uncle Bilbo: (Greek) Kalimere!  

SFX: Axe hack. And Arrgh. 

Harald Hardrada:  Asia Minor. 

Uncle BobBob: Gu-ni-den! 

SFX: Axe hack. And Arrgh. 

Harald Hardrada: Sicily. 

Tombo: Ciao bella! 

SFX: Axe hack. And Arrgh. 

Harald Hardrada: The Holy Land! 

Uncle Bilbo: Shalom! 

SFX: Axe hack. And Arrgh. 

Uncle Bilbo:   Hang on! Back up a bit Harald… you, the commander of the elite Varangian guard, the sole existence of which was to guard the life of the Holy Roman Emperor, were ‘in charge’ through the death of two of them? 

Harald Hardrada: What’s your point? 

Uncle Bilbo: Well, clearly you weren’t very good at it. 

Uncle BobBob: What is wrong with you?! Why would you correct a man with an axe? 

22.02

Uncle Bilbo:    Whoops. 

Tombo: He’s gone very still. 

Harald Hardrada: What’s that Siggy? Tell them what a great military commander I was…but I’d rather  dismember them…What?…tell them how I took that city despite being dead?  

Uncle Bilbo: What was that? 

Harald Hardrada: Oh yeah ‘doubting Bilbo’, I captured a city despite the minor inconvenience of being dead! You see were laying siege to a city and it was taking aaaaages…it happened something like this…. 

SFX: Dream wobbly music. 

Pear Bear: In the name of the Emperor, I demand you open your gates! 

Uncle Bilbo (as Byzantine Wall Guard): Go away! 

Uncle BobBob (as Byzantine Wall Captain): Is it that Harald Sigurdsson again? 

Byzantine Wall Guard: It is! Third time this week! 

Tombo (as a member of the Varangian Guard): You don’t want to mess with the boss – he’s really cunning! 

23.00

Byzantine Wall Captain: We care not! Our walls are impregnable!  Even you, the famous Harald Sigurdsson can’t break through them! 

Harald Hardrada: You better let us in or… [pretends to fall ill and dies

Varangian Guard: Now look what you’ve done! Harald is dead! 

Byzantine Wall Guard & Captain: Good! 

Varangian Guard: Can we bury him in your church please? 

Byzantine Wall Captain: Absolutely not!!  

Byzantine Wall Guard: [to Byzantine Wall Captain] Wait! This could work actually… He’s totally super famous so loads of people will visit our fine city to see his grave! Our tourist numbers will go through the roof!  

Byzantine Wall Captain: Oooo we could skewer them with ‘monthly membership fee’ - step into Byzantine’s story! Its genius! 

Byzantine Wall Guard: [To the Vikings] Actually, yes, you can. 

Varangian Guard: Very good. Please open your gates for Harald’s funeral procession. 

24.05

Byzantine Wall Captain: Right you are. 

[they take Harald’s body into the city

Varangian Guard: Such a tragedy. He died too soon. 

Byzantine Wall Captain: He died right on time if you ask us. 

Byzantine Wall Guard 1: It’s a shame… [to minions] put the popcorn stands there and there… have we seen the second draft of the guidebook yet? Hold off on it, yeah? Hold off on it. [to the Vikings] But at least he’ll be put to rest in a place of great peace and respect. 

Harald Hardrada: [Coming back to life] Peace and respect this! KILL EM ALLLLLL!!!!! 

Hilarious congregation murder sequence 

Harald Hardrada: ...and that’s how I took a city despite being dead. I’m a GENIUS! 

25.06

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): You keep banging on about being a King, and yet so far you’ve failed to make your brother a King, and been protecting two Emperor’s when they died. Make with the Kinging! 

Tombo (as himself again): You are on one today Uncle Bilbo! 

Harald Hardrada: I will axe you where you stand you son of a Thrall! Wait what’s that Siggy?  

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): I don’t like it when he talks to the axe. 

Harald Hardrada:  Siggy says I must continue talking at you instead…maybe I can leap then…. Anyway! After the death of Michael IV, along came Michael V. This would be the third Emperor I had the honour to protect, with my life! 

Uncle BobBob (as Michael V): Hello everybody! My name is Holy Roman Emperor Michael V! 

Tombo: What happened to him? 

Harald Hardrada: He died… 

Michael V: dying noises 

Uncle Bilbo: What?! Another one? 

Harald Hardrada: Well the thing is, every time an Emperor died me and the lads would raid the treasury in a delightful move I like to call polutasvarf

26.03

Tombo: That’s not a real word… and I should know; I’m very clever. 

Harald Hardrada: It means ‘palace-plunder’. The boys and I would steal everything we could in the post Emperor death confusion and send it to my old chum Grand Prince Yaroslav the Wise, who kept it all safe for me until I could come and get it. 

Uncle Bilbo: Wow. Just… wow. 

Harald Hardrada: In 1042 the new Empress, Zoe, decided that she didn’t need my protection. 

Tombo: I’m not surprised! 

Uncle BobBob (as Empress Zoe I): Hello everybody! I’m Holy Roman Empress Zoe I. Harald Hardrada you are a liar, a brute and a thief! 

Harald Hardrada: Thank you so much! 

Zoe I: No, those are bad things. 

Harald Hardrada:Oh. 

Zoe I: Guards! Arrest this beast and toss him, into our most easily escapable dungeon. 

Uncle Bilbo (as Guardy McGuarderson): Yes your Empress-ness. What are the charges? 

Zoe I: He stands accused of stealing loads of stuff from our Imperial treasury! 

Harald Hardrada: Nonsense! I’ve never done anything of the sort! 

Zoe I: You literally just told us about polutasvarf… 

27.00

Harald Hardrada: Oh yes. I did, didn’t I? Fiddlesticks. 

Guardy McGuarderson: Right! Off to the dungeons you go! 

Harald Hardrada: Hey! Get your hands off me! 

Guardy McGuarderson:    You’ll never escape, or my name isn’t Guardy McGuarderson! 

Harald Hardrada: Won’t I? Look over there! 

Guardy McGuarderson: Where? [Sound of brutal testicle kicking] Argh! Right in me dungeon! 

Harald Hardrada:  Ha HA!! The ol’ kick in the spuds escape plan! I’m a genius!!! Now, after I escaped from the prison I went back to Yaroslav. 

Uncle BobBob (as Yaroslav): H-dizzle! You’re back!! What say we settle down, get a big tub of ice cream or vaseline and watch the directors commentary of 10 Things I hate About You? 

Harald Hardrada: No time Yaroslav! And also GOD no!

Yaroslav: Awwww. 

Harald Hardrada: So, I grabbed all the stuff that I’d stolen from the Imperial Palace and decided it was time to head back to Norway. Then, seeing as I was going to Norway, I decided I might as well make myself King. 

28.01

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): You just decided did you? 

Harald Hardrada: Yup. By this point I was offensively wealthy- 

Tombo: From all the stuff you’d stolen from the Emperors you’d been protecting when they’d died? 

Harald Hardrada: Exactly! The only problem was Norway already had a King; Magnus. Fortunately, he wasn’t in the mood for a big war so decided that we would co-rule the Kingdom. 

Uncle Bilbo: So it all worked out without bloodshed? That’s good! What happened to Magnus? 

Uncle BobBob (as King Magnus): Hello Everybody! My name is King Magnus of Norway… well, co-King now I suppose! [warm-hearted chuckle

Harald Hardrada: He died.  

King Magnus: Oh for fu- dying noises

Harald Hardrada: Sad. But it did mean I was now King of Norway! Hurray for me! My rule was firm, but fair. It earned me the nickname ‘Hardrada’ which means ‘Ruthless’ or ‘Hard Ruler’. After I became King of Norway I decided that being King of Denmark would also be pretty good. Unfortunately that didn’t go very well, so I decided against it. Next I decided to be King of Britain, so sailed over there with 300 ships in 1066. 

29.12

Uncle Bilbo: Ah yes! The history year!  

Tombo: Indeed – the year in which 99% of all historical events took place.  

Uncle Bilbo: Battle of Hastings… 

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): Moon landing… 

Tombo: England win the world cup… 

Harald Hardrada:  The campaign for Britain started well – we crushed the Saxons at Fulford Gate, rode into the city of Jorvik, nicked all of the stuff, and then went back to our camp. Then it all went a bit wrong; King Harold (not me – the other one) marched his whole army up to fight us at a little place called Stamford Bridge. There I fought hard, and mightily, and mightily hard, gripping my axe in two hands and going berserk! Foes fell like wheat, harvested by my mighty blade and mightier prowess!! 

[Mighty fight scene

30.19

Harald Hardrada:       ….aaaaand then I got shot in the neck with an arrow. And died. Completely ruined my day. 

Uncle Bilbo: Well, thank you for that long and bloody tale Mr Hadrada. 

Tombo: It doesn’t answer my question though….should I go on holiday east or Norway in the 7th century? 

Harald Hardrada: Siggy says she’s an axe not trip advisor…and besides I can’t stand here taking with you all day…i’ve got an arrow in the neck. Good day gentleman… 

Uncle Bilbo: But… 

Harald Hardrada: I said good day! I’m going now to a far better place. Across the rainbow bridge, to the hall of the victorious dead, to Valhalla where the brave shall live forever.  

31.00

Tombo: That sounds good, can we go there? 

Harald Hardrada: Pfft you wish! Not only do you have to dead to go to the hall of Valhalla but you must have died a noble death. Once in Valhalla we warriors fight all day till we are killed and then rise again to drink heavy and eat hearty then wake up next morning with no hang over and do it again…oh I do hope I am expected… 

Uncle BobBob (as Odin): . You are expected Harald Sigurtson . You may proceed across the rainbow bridge to your reward. 

Harald Hardrada: I shall ascend even though I’m actually a massive Christian!  Yes, didn’t really follow the old ways…

SFX: A heavenly noise as Harald Hardrada ascends  

Tombo: Is that? 

Uncle Bilbo: Sir Anthony Hopkins? 

Pear Bear (as himself again): No he seems too Welsh for Hoppo… 

Uncle Bilbo: Presumably he’s just a Viking holiday rep… 

Odin: I am rather more than that Uncle Bilbo. 

32.00

Uncle Bilbo: Anthony Hopkins knows my name? How do you know my name? 

Odin: I know everything about you…and you Pear Bear and you Tombo, even you Dear Uncle Bob Bob. 

Tombo: Can we come on your drinking and murder holiday please? 

Odin: No Tombo you can’t, I’m afraid your days of ‘drinking murder and euro trance’ are behind you now. 

Tombo: Awww. 

Odin: But seeing as you’re doing great Viking journeys perhaps I could assist you with  the tale of my journey. 

Pear Bear: Is it any good? This is the first episode, so it’s got to be pretty good. 

Odin: It crosses space and time and reality, so yes its quite good. 

Uncle Bilbo:  Did I buy 20 quids worth of time space reality from you in 2005? Round the back of the union? 

Odin: NO! I AM ODIN ALL FATHER, LORD OF THE ASIR AND KING OF THE NINE REALMS! 

SFX: Epic god Music 

Uncle Bilbo: Oh my god, its god! 

Tombo: Or a god! 

33.00

Odin: Silence! This tale my boys crosses not only distance but reality itself... Yes. So anyway…my journey…I longed to learn all the secrets of all the nine realms… 

Pear Bear: That’s a lot of realms! 

Tombo: And a lot of secrets!  

Odin: I knew that the realms were supported by Yggdrasil; the world tree, a mighty tree that had three mighty roots.   

Uncle Bilbo:  The first of Yggdrasil’s roots drinks from the well of Urd in Asgard; the realm of the Aesir; the Gods.  

Odin: Like me, Odin, of course. 

Tombo (as Thor):  And me! Hi there I’m Thor, God of Thunder… protector of mankind! 

34.00

Uncle BobBob: Clear off son! This is my story! 

Thor : But Daaaaaaaaad! 

Uncle Bilbo: [As Loki] I’m a God too! Loki, God of chaos and trickery! 

Odin: Both of you go away! This is my story!!

Thor & Loki: Awwww. 

Pear Bear:  The first root of Yggdrasil is tended by the Norns, three women who control the destiny of all living things weaving lives into the great tapestry that is existence.  

Odin:  Now, I was rather concerned about the Norns, for they are terribly grumpy and always moan at me when I disturb them… 

Pear Bear:  Well they’re incredibly busy; I’m not surprised they get annoyed at you when you interrupt them!  

Tombo (as himself again):  They’re weaving the threads of fate into the tapestry of existence!  

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): It’s precise work that requires immense concentration!  

Odin:  Alright, I get the point! What are you? The Norns or something?  

Pear Bear, Tombo, and Uncle Bilbo (as the Norns): (EVIL CACKLING!)
Pear Bear (as Alpha Norn):  That’s exactly who we are!  

Norns:  THE NOOOORNS!!  

Uncle Bilbo (as Beta Norn): Weavers of fate!  

35.00

Tombo (as Epsilon Norn): Darners of destiny! 

Alpha Norn: Whom mortal men know as the three grey sisters! 

Odin: Greetings fair Norns… 

All Norns: SILENCE!! 

Alpha Norn: What brings you here Odin? Why dost thou disturbeth usseth?  

Odin: I seek knowledge! I would journey to the well of fate... There I shall drink deep of it’s delicious waters and gain all the wisdom that I can guzzle! 

All Norns: SILENCE!! 

Beta Norn: Foolish God! We weave even your fate and can see that if you journey beyond this point...  

Alpha Norn:  You  

Epsilon Norn: Will  

Beta Norn: Die!  

Odin: What?  

Alpha Norn:  You  

Epsilon Norn: Will  

Beta Norn: DIE!  

Odin: Oh no! But I really want to taste that delicious knowledge! 

All Norns: SILENCE!!  

Odin: Stop doing that!  Man you’re loud! So loud!

36.00

Epsilon Norn: Behold puny god! The thread of ‘your’ fate! 

Odin:  My fate? My thread? It’s a bit grey… 

Beta Norn: Well its yours…and it shows that you will go no further! 

Odin: Is that so…yoink! 

Alpha Norn:  Give that back! 

Odin:  No! If i’ve got my own thread of fate you can’t end it can you? I’m a genius!! 

Epsilon Norn: Maybe not, but be warned Odin; we are the three grey sisters of fate… 

Alpha Norn:  As the wise seeress Sarah Connor once said; there is no fate but what we make!  

Epsilon Norn: We have powers! 

Beta Norn: Mad scary sick powers and we can make all things ill for you and all your kin for all time! 

Odin: Come and take it, you flipping hags! 

[Norn Hiargh's and fighty noises! Odin grunts as the Norns beat the tar out of him... comedy punching noises ahoy!!)

37.15

Odin: Fine! Have it back. 

Beta Norn: That’s what we thought! Now begone! 

Odin:  The Norns were mean, and scary, so I decided to completely ignore their warnings and climb down to the second of Yggdrasil’s roots, which resides in Jotunheim; the realm of the giants. 

Tombo (as himself again): The second root led Odin to a well guarded by a giant… a giant named Mimir… 

Pear Bear (as Mimir): Hello! I’m the Giant Mimir. In Old Norse my name means… erm… 

Tombo: [Quietly, as if giving a prompt] ‘He who remembers’… 

Mimir: Oh yes! ‘He Who Remembers’ or ‘wise one’. 

Odin: Upon seeing Mimir at the well I was shocked, for truly Mimir is ugly to behold!  

38.04

Mimir: Hey!  

Odin: So gnarled; so hideous was his countenance-  

Mimir: Hey!  

Odin: I could barely breathe from the utter disgust I felt just from looking at his face...  

Mimir: Alright alright! Stop! We’re supposed to be telling a story! 

Tombo: It’s part of the story! 

Mimir: Still, he needn’t dwell on it quite so much! 

Tombo: Alright fine. How was it that casting director once described Pear Bear?  

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): Interesting looking? 

Tombo: That’s it! We’ll say you’re ‘interesting looking’ instead of ugly… how’s that? 

Pear Bear (as himself again): As it was then - deeply hurtful!

Tombo: [Ignoring him] Now where were we? Ah yes. Odin arrived at the base of Yggdrasil’s second root and found the giant Mimir who was guarding a well. 

Uncle BobBob (again as Odin): You, interesting-looking giant! Allow me to drink from your well! All that root clambering has given me a powerful thirst! 

Pear Bear (again as Mimir): No. 

Odin: What do you mean no? 

Mimir: This water is not for me to share – it holds the secrets of the universe itself! 

39.05

Odin: I am the Allfather and I demand a drink! 

Mimir: No chance! This isn’t like going to the shops for a Panda Pop - this well holds the manifold mysteries of untold multi verses! 

Odin: That just makes me want it more! 

Mimir: You shall not sup this day sir! 

Odin: Then, giant, you leave me no choice; prepare to die! 

Mimir: Bring it! 

Fighting noises!

Tombo: There then ensued an extremely spectacular- 

Uncle Bilbo: -and outstandingly well choreographed- 

Tombo: -fight sequence between a giant and a God. Odin wielded Gugnir, his spear, used to start wars wherever it strikes the earth… but Mimir used his giant shield, blocking the All-father’s attacks at every turn… until… [Odin impales Mimir on his spear

Mimir: Blargh! 

Odin: Haha! Victory is mine! 

Mimir: Erm… I’m still alive you know. 

Odin: What? HOW? I’ve completely impaled you on my mighty spear! 

40.04

Mimir: I cannot be killed! 

Odin: Really? Hang on. What if I do this? Hiyargh! 

[Odin impales Mimir on his spear… again

Mimir: OW!! I said I ‘cannot be killed’ not ‘I cannot be hurt’… Please stop it! 

Odin:  It appears we are at an impasse… you cannot be killed… I cannot be defeated in battle… 

Mimir: You’re right; we could be at this a while. 

Odin: Are you absolutely sure I can’t just have a drink from the well? Surely I can offer you something? I am King of the Gods after all… 

Mimir: Erm… alright, I know - give me one of your eyes. 

Odin: What? One of my eyes! I was thinking a palace, or treasure or some such! 

Mimir: That’s the price. Give me one of your eyes and you can have a drink. I’ll even let you choose which one.

Odin: Go on then. 

Mimir: Lovely! Do you want to borrow a spoon or something? 

Odin: Right now? 

Mimir: Yup! Eye first, then you can quench your thirst. 

41.04

Odin: Knickers... Very well then...one eye coming up... 

SFX Crunching and squelching and screaming?  

Odin: There you are.  

Mimir:  Thank you….Do you er...want a tissue...you’re a bit drippy. 

Odin:  No, ta, but I would like a drink from the well.  

Mimir:  Fill your boots, mate.

[Odin drinks from the well of secrets

Odin:  Yum! Secret-y! But I must know more!  

Tombo:  You see, dear listener, the problem with drinking from the well of secrets is that the water within makes you thirsty for more knowledge.  

Uncle Bilbo: Odin’s curiosity was not satisfied with what he had learned thus far, even though it had cost him an eye! 

Tombo:  And so he ventured further down Yggdrasil’s roots to the third; the deepest.  

Odin: Down and down I climbed, seeing nothing and no one until eventually a little squirrel scampered past me...  

Silence. 

Odin: Until a little squirrel scampered past me... Look one of you will have to be the         squirrel. 

42.05

Tombo: Bagsie not doing it! 

Pear Bear (as himself again): Bagsie not doing it! 

Uncle Bilbo:  Bagsie not- Fine! (as Ratatosk) Hello I’m a squirrel. 

Odin: Little squirrel! What lies below? 

Ratatosk:  Nifelheim, the realm of ice; where the wicked go when they die! Didn’t you know that? Haha! And they call you the first of the Aesir, the wisest God of all! 

Odin:  Shut up squirrel! Who are you to mock the Allfather? 

Ratatosk:  I am Ratatosk! Be careful before you threaten me Odin one-eye! I have powerful friends! 

Odin: I don’t see any of them here! Hiyargh! [Boots squirrel

Ratatosk: [As if flying of into the distance] You’ll regret thiiiiiiiiiiiiisssss……! 

Odin: Stupid squirrel. 

Pear Bear:  Odin journeyed on, ever deeper, until he heard a voice cry…  

Tombo (as The Dead): Gooo baaaack! You must return to the land of the living! This is the land of the dead and you are not welcome here! Go baaaaack! 

43.10

Odin: Who said that?! 

The Dead: Meeee….. 

Odin: Show yourself! 

The Dead: Dude I’m literally standing right next to you! 

Odin: What? 

The Dead: Turn your head… 

Odin: Oh! There you are! Sorry, I ain’t got an eye on this side any more, have I? 

The Dead: I’m so terribly sorry… I don’t want to come across as insensitive. 

Odin: No no, it’s fine. 

The Dead: Thank heavens. 

Odin: Now… what was it you were saying? 

The Dead: I was saying… GO BAAACK!!! 

Odin: [pause] No. 

Pear Bear:  Odin refused to turn back… but a chill wind started to blow.  

Uncle Bilbo (as himself again): Every step he took grew harder and harder. The dead struck at him and tried to drive him back...  

44.05

ALL: Braaaaaaiiiiiiins! Brains! 

Odin: The dead were fierce indeed and eventually even I, the All Father, was forced to turn back. Still I was determined to learn the secrets of Nifelheim! If it was the land of the dead, then I would have to die to learn its mysteries!  

Tombo (as himself again):  And so Odin took his spear, and drove it through himself into the trunk of a tree!  

Odin: [squelch] Blargh! Oh man, i’ll need an Imodium after that.

Uncle Bilbo:  For eight days and nights Odin hung from the tree, his spirit deep in the land of the dead.  

Tombo:  There he learned the secrets of reading and writing in runes, and the workings of magic until...

Uncle Bilbo:  On the ninth day Odin came back to life!  

45.02

Odin:  But still, I longed to learn more! I built a throne on Yggdrasil’s upper branches. From there I can see to the edges of the world! But I wanted to hear as well!  

Pear Bear:  And so from his throne Odin sends out two ravens everyday. They return each night to whisper all the secrets of men into his ears!  

Odin:  [pompously] And that is how I, Odin, truly became the Allfather, Lord of Gods and Men!!!!  

Pear Bear:  And the Norns were right... You did die! 

Odin:  So I did yes! So there you I postulate to you that that is the greatest Viking Voyage that you will ever have heard. 

Uncle Bilbo:  Yeah but they other two were true, weren’t they, yours in just a myth. 

A Pause. 

Pear Bear: Wearily.Sigh. What is wrong with you Uncle Bilbo? 

Tombo: You’ve sassed God! 

Uncle Bilbo:    A God. 

SFX Scary Dramatic Music, like Star Trek VI when God turns up. 

46.03

Uncle BobBob (as Odin again):  Silly History Boys! Bilbo, Tombo, Pear Bear…for your insolence, cheek and silliness!  

Uncle BobBob (as himself again):  Looks like Dear Uncle BobBob’s dodged a bullet here… 

Uncle BobBob (as Odin again):  An you an all Uncle Bob Bob you little slug!  

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): Ah knickers. 

Uncle BobBob (as Odin again):  I here by banish you! I attaint and discredit your podcast which is actually a flipping radio show and curse you forever more never to go on holiday from this day forth! 

SFX Crash of lighting and pycadelics  and such as the SHB’s are cast out. Fades to silence. 

Tombo:  I’m confused…was the point of this episode to go on holiday or to find the best Viking Voyage?  

Uncle Bilbo:  Or neither? 

Pear Bear:  Or all three? 

Uncle BobBob (as himself again): Ah gentlemen! The purpose of this episode was of course none of those things! 

ALL: Sarcasm. Thanks Uncle Bob Bob that was helpful. 

47.03

Uncle BobBob: The purpose of this episode was to show our lovely listeners what their rewards will be for listening to our show: a few facts, a bit of history and a lot of silly voices! So If you enjoyed our voyage through Norsedom please join us again for another exciting episode of… 

ALL: The Silly History Boys show! 

Pear Bear: Perhaps from now on we should stick to a single story per show? Or even, a single story spread over multiple episodes?

Tombo: Agreed. Tune in next time dear listener for another tale from the hallowed pages of history… 

Uncle Bilbo: Until then, we have been the Silly History Boys and we are… 

Uncle BobBob: As you will come to find out over the course of the series… 

ALL: SORRY!! 

47:40

Episode 1-3: “Viking cruises - No, not that one” was all inclusively written and performed by the Silly History Boys.

48:05

The cast in order of who gets the first lifeboats is as follows: 

Uncle BobBob: Dreary Travel Agent, Grand Prince Yaroslav the Wise, Holy Roman Emperor Romanos III,  Holy Roman Emperor Michael IV, Holy Roman Emperor Michael V, Holy Roman Empress Zoe I, King Magnus of Norway well, co-king, Byzantine Wall Guard, Odin, king of the gods, and narration were trampelled over on their way to the life raft by me, Rob Bond, your dear Uncle BobBob.

Pear Bear: Harold Hardrada, Alpha Norn, the giant Mimir, and narration were pre booked with an excellent discount by Stuart Perry, or Pear Bear to my friends

Uncle Bilbo: Leif Erickson, King Cnut the greater, Byzantine Wall Captain, Guardy McGuarderson, Loki god of chaos and trickery, Beta Norn, Ratatosk the annoying squirrel and narration was spewed over the port side by Will Tristram otherwise known as me, Uncle Bilbo. Hi.

49.01

Tombo: Olaf, King of Norway, the Varagian guardsmen, Thor God of Thunder, Epsilon Norn, the voice of The Dead and narration were left sad and alone at the ferry port because I slept in by Tom “Tombo” Fermor.

Uncle Bilbo: The intro music was riffed forward by Rob "Lord Fast Fingers" Tristram.

Uncle BobBob: Clinks clanks boeings, courtesy of zap splat.com

Pear Bear: Music courtesy of the swashbuckling Scott Buckley - swash-Buckley more like, am I right? 

Uncle BobBob: Get on with it! 

Pear Bear: Yes, of course. Find Scott online or follow the show notes.

Tombo: And even more music care of those audio sirens at zap splat.com

Uncle BobBob: The booing you're now hearing was provided by our friends and well wishers who were pitching over the side one day.

Uncle Bilbo: Join us on Facebook at silly history boys. If you've enjoyed the show, please do rate and review on Apple itunes or your chosen podcast platform. 

Uncle BobBob: If you don't, we'll cry. I check every day and now I'm dehydrated and confused from all the eye fluid I've leaked. 

50.03

Uncle BobBob: Chaps, we've got our first Australia's listener the every day!

Uncle Bilbo: Observations and saucy portraits, please send to sillyhistoryboysshow@gmail.com 

Tombo: Or you know what? Just tell a friend

Pear Bear: Threaten a loved, am I right?

Uncle Bilbo: What is wrong with you?

[Outtakes]

Pear Bear: Oh where are we? Oh, I think I caught myself on the main mast with my Rolex. I don’t know, i’ve only improvised this about 100,000 times, think I can think of something funny.

Uncle Bilbo: Skræling... Yes Skræling, or Native Americans as one should say. I'm gonna Google that. I'm gonna Google that.

Uncle BobBob: Jesus. It is baking under this duvet. But it's worth it.

51.00

Tombo: You were on one today Uncle Bob- Bil- Bob- Bilbob?

Pear Bear: Right. I'm not recording again. So please, Will, please say that sounds okay.

51:17

Miranda: Thanks again, Silly History Boys! We can’t wait to see you perform on stage again!

If you enjoyed this episode, you can subscribe to the Silly History Boys Podcast, available on all major podcast platforms. And if you want to hear more right now, check out our 360 Virtual Tour of the Jorvik Viking Centre ride, hosted by Stuart “the Pear Bear” Perry himself.

51:38

That Jorvik Viking Thing Podcast is an Audible Associate. If you sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial using the code “Viking Thing Dash 21” you’ll get a free audiobook download and you’ll also be supporting your favourite Viking podcast. Even better, the audiobook is yours to keep forever, no strings attached!

This time, we recommend “Norse Mythology,” written and narrated by Neil Gaiman. Fans of the Vikings and mythology in general will be thrilled to hear myths from the master storyteller himself. Listen to the tales from the beginning of the Nine Realms, to the exploits of dwarves and giants, right up to Ragnarok and the twilight of the gods. Tales of Thor, Loki, Odin, and Freya are brought to life once more, spoken by a modern-day skald that transports you back in time to a crackling bonfire underneath a clear, starry sky. 

52:30

Thank you for listening to That Jorvik Viking Thing Podcast. You can find us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and anywhere you get your podcasts. If you’d like to support That Jorvik Viking Thing, visit jorvikthing.com to make a donation, as well as to find a whole horde of more Viking-related content. Don’t forget to hit subscribe so you don’t miss the next episode of That Jorvik Viking Thing Podcast.

Introduction
Silly History Boys opening
Voyage 1: Leif Erikson
Voyage 2: Haralda Hardrada
Voyage 3: Odin's Journey
Silly History Boys credits
Silly Outtakes
That Jorvik Viking Thing Outro